i stand before the mighty sea

i stand before the mighty sea
seeing it’s power rolling towards me
no barrier, no break it’s might to impede
as it rolls unimpeded towards me

the waves, the rage, the torrent the swell
others, lithe and nimble slither to sell
servitude for another days freedom from jail
suppressing the power in a careless quell

the sea is conscience free, willing to consume
and consuming at will.  Each morning you find
a clean and groomed beach and no sorrow no mourn
it’s power has done it’s job with no remorse

nothing survived except for the deepened prints
of two feet that weathered the storm, sunken a little
deeper through the shifting sand that draws and
sucks down the one who wants to just stand still

the happy place, the beach, comes alive each day
it brings the birds, the gulls, the cool fresh water
to cleanse your throat, the voices of lovers and children
to lift the mind and bring a smile… to make you feel better

but everyday I stand before the mighty sea
watching it’s power roll over me
no barrier, no break that can impede its might
as it rolls unencumbered over me

the joy of those around me place a millstone
around my neck, and laughter adds a chain and lock
i sink deeper into the joy filled sand and feel the
cold sea of death engulf me more and more

people don’t notice much anymore, nor do I
buried to my waste in hopelessness and remorse
i have begun digging the hole myself
i won’t be long now until the mighty sea… feeds

this my friend is depression

what it is
or what it’s not
either way
the communication
rots… on the vine

everyone knows
it’s a universal
experience
we all share
neatly… bound in twine

i had a bad day
oh, i just need some wine
this damned depression
i’ll be fine
come… morning time

the morning dawns
wine’s memory lingers
a cup of joe
gets me on my way
a new day… depression free

there is a side
the mold is cracked
psychosis
the unexplainable
pain… takes up residence

no wine, nor beer
nor bleeding, pleading spouse
can fill the mold with
normalcy… only more
self loathing… and grief

this my friend is depression
sinking into your own
consciousness
lost in sorrow
about… what you don’t know

eternal unrelenting despair
sadness beyond repair
pain and suffering
you cannot explain
death… the only resolve

overwhelmed by
sorrow and remorse
you seek the loved one’s help
the doctors soothing tones
leaving you with loneliness

you look at those
around your day
you hear their complaints
and difficulties
and long… for their lives

you sleep that sweet
drug induced slumber
hoping
for the morning’s reprieve
only to be greeted with torment

yes, some of us get sad
and frustrated
some of us… depressed
and long for an end
to it all

only one wins

Celebrate life
Eschew death
Embrace strife
Conflate wrath
Balance sought
Only one wins
Terror fraught
Punish for sins
Darkness engulfs
Hope is betrayed
Darkness covers
Hope to rest is laid

no preperation

From blinded eyes
The beast is sensed
Lurking, waiting for
The unprovoked attack
Their is no preparation
Only the parlance
And the cover from
The unknown blow
Fear and terror
That cannot be
Explained

how long

 Closing in from many sides. It's always darkest before the dawn but how long is the darkness

volley of war

lessons come fast,
hardcore and forcefully.

Hopefully just a show of resolve
and not a volley of war

not

who am i, really? 

not who was i?
or who have i become?

but who am i, really?

is there an i?

and what does “am”
even mean?

who has the right
to define being?

i am………..       what?
you are…….       what?

tell me what you are
and i will tell you

what you are not

but i cannot confirm
or deny
what you
are

you cannot confirm
or deny
what you
are

you and i         together
can confirm
what we are
not

freeform (for Kerry)

freeform

freeform

just let it all go
what is this freeform thang

who knows?

there is no reason to speak in rhythm or rhyme
this is fucking ridiculous to even try

poetry, what?

ain’t nobody got time to work through this shit
just say what you need to say and go on
but no structure means no structure
no structure means no meaning
what is this that i am even writing?

i paint with words the pictures of my twisted mind
i sing the songs of my soul with musical notes of pain
if you take away my structural sacristy
how can you take me seriously?
i will die a slow and miserable death alone

aint got no form
no meaning

just
shittin and jivin

say what?

aint no thang

alone

tonight my mind screams
that is my curse

what do you long for?
what could be worse?

i cannot guarantee
or promise a rhyme

much longer than this
there is no more time

for my mind is now absorbed
in utter adoration of itself

that there is no more room
for anything else

rhythm and rhyme
now fall apart

there is no more room
for anything else

anything of value
just simply melts away

as putrid disarray
fucks with backward rhymes

get into my mind
if you have a desire to see

what dissonance
and disarray means

get out of your happiness
and join the discontent

for we are here
in the lament

no one wants
to mourn alone

none wants
to die

alone

to be free of fear

what is this? this pane of glass
this sense of clarity
what is this? this sudden knowing
this mirror of me

seeing and not
clarity and not
clear to see through, but yet
what is on the other side?

you gave me a view
of something i did not know
that was shared
with any other than me

you hurt as i do?
you know what I feel?
you have been where I stand?
oh, but no

i am fucking unique
with my intelligence
i am the end all be all
get out of my space

i am insulted
by your insolence
your crass but caring
caress

i want to know what you know
no, i don’t
i want to be rid of what you know
to be free of this

to be free of fear

the bastard and the beast

i hesitate with pen in hand

into the darkness to step.

the open door reveals a place

from which it is difficult to return.

as tears well in my eyes I feel

the fear arise.  the fear of feeling itself.

facing the darkness before my eyes

i realize the darkness is myself.

depression is a bastard and a thief

spawned from the depths of mind

stealing words, thoughts and expression.

leaving gaping wounds of loneliness and silence

falling headlong, struggling to hold on

to what I don’t know, but I know I must.

swallowing creativity, desire and love

leaving emptiness, remorse and helplessness

wandering, an empty vessel, in the world

staring speechless, clueless into the eyes of care

with no words to share, or feelings to give

barren, stripped of love, acceptance, friendship

a rotting pile of dung in place of humanity

stinking from lack of care or desire

rolling in muck with no recognition

that anything should be changed

loneliness in a crowded room

but loneliness that is insufficient

the healing loneliness is found only when

you escape the presence of even yourself

the beauty of sleep grants the reprieve,

in hours of unconsciousness you escape the me

utterly alone and unknowing

the pain…            stops

but the bastard thief will not be denied!

slithering into your every breath

to steal the beauty of sleep and befriend

the beast…  insomnia

prolonging the misery until the body

utterly collapses under the weight

insomnia sinks her talons into the brain

claiming every moment, demanding attention

raping and murdering every potential

moment of slumber, denying peace

with horrid dreams and frightful

phantoms of lurid and lucid memory

and then the tears begin to flow

the helpless, hopeless, collapse and release

the unending flowing river of emotion

that cannot be dammed.

engrossed in the sudden recognition

that you have snapped, that the bastard has won

without means to struggle or fight

you succumb… and sink into the darkness

longing for peace, for inner calm

longing for the yesterdays of happiness

longing to feel anything good

the darkness crushes the soul

the bastards curse is a betrayals ruse

the lovers and families and friends

succumb as well to fierce misunderstanding

rejection, silence and isolation

the bastard and the beast

in tandem seal the victory

lonely and utterly alone

left with nothing but yourself

the death spiral has begun

the mind empty of rationality

replays only the bastards lament

and awaits the useless, triumphant utterly relieving end

the cry for help, not understanding

and misunderstood, nowhere to turn

enemies within and without

maybe only one way out

feeling better now

you fucking bitch

why the hell are you so mean?

the world doesn't revolve around you.

oh it does doesn't it?

your world is yours alone.

it's even my fault when you insult me

i deserved it after all

if i hadn't been born

you wouldn't have opened your fucking mouth.

how dare i have feelings

that get in the way of your idiosyncrasies?

how could i be so stupid as to interrupt 

when you make a fucking moron of yourself?

make me chaste

tonight of all nights

i sit inside myself

wondering, pondering

considering the rights

of any with a mind for theft

i think of those

whose pondered prose

enamored with gleaming eye

does echo faint

the gleaming restraint

of not today… don’t die

deep inside I feel the pain

knowing not

from whence it came

shadowed in the

breathless calm of

silent tears and shame

i look to you for

passion clear and

a presence of love forlorn

with ambiance of

cherished tears free

of hate and scorn

yet no embrace is

in my fate or in

my future haste

only dreams and

haunting schemes can

make me chaste

make me chaste

for kimberleigh

to say I love you just doesn’t seem enough

to outlive and overcome the crazy stuff

happening all around us these days

i know that we have it all within us

to look at the face of the challenge, just

finding the courage may be the key

you love me too, I know for sure

loving lately has been hard to endure

seems more painful than anything else

we’re not doing a very good job

of communicating in ways that doesn’t rob

us of the true message we are seeking to give

i hear your frustration and I see your tears

i feel your anger built up across years

of a simple and gentle life that we have loved

a life that we built together and yet

we have watched it crumble while we forget

the foundation of stone it sits upon

our own worst enemies we have become

fighting and sabotage looking to some

like two who no longer want to care

our words, once tender, romantic and sweet

have eroded to become a horror complete

with questions of whether we still love at all

maybe we have simply taken for granted

one another’s love so deeply planted

that we forgot to feed and nurture the roots

but we are still alive though maybe stagnant

looking for the love that once ran rampant

through everyday of our previous years together

we must hold on to what we share

too much time has passed not to care

or to stand silent and watch it fade away

our love has taken a tumble

shaken to the core we both have stumbled

but standing, still we are one

reach deep down inside and there

we will find that we really do care

and as always we will love again

i don’t have the answers for most

of the questions that we propose

but I have the desire to find them with you

i love you deeply with a now broken heart

wanting nothing more than a brand new start

a chance to heal and mend and be whole

a new life together we are walking towards

a time we have dreamt of as we poured

our lives out together in love

the time has come for a new embrace

to look upon each other and to face

the challenge of a new day together

i love you Kimberleigh, that’s all I can say

you are everything to me, and today

there is nothing I want but you

used to

we used to love each other
once

we used to care
once

we used to snuggle together
 under the cold night wind

we used to
we used to

once

you hate me now

you hate me now

winter kiss

icy wind
looming gray
long shadowed
winter kiss
memory fades
survival
takes the stage
animal instinct
to live

why do you hate me?

why do you hate me?
i'm not like you?
different in many ways?
not white or black
or young or old
not flesh of your
flesh?
my blood flows red
tears taste of salt
heart rends with pain
aches of lost love
disappointment
shame
you hate me all the same
you sing a liars tune
and play a foreign dirge
death upon thy lips
to kiss my
cheek
the vipers sting
thy poison tipped fang
has pierced the
hated flesh
and cries
die!

Echo

the echoes of the moment
sing a chorus of dim refrain
of days best forgotten
from realms that yet remain,
of times that linger hostile
in mind and emotion spent
in torrid pain and suffering
of hearts in anguish rent.

an echo of a sordid past
of once upon a time
rings true in present darkness
of somber song in mime
that lifts her voice in sadness
to moan a troubled song
that brings a brand new warning
of all that can be wrong.

a reflection of a beating heart
of a mother's mourning child
trapped in some dark solace
with no love left undefiled;
lost in the echo's chamber
drawing near to his last breath
death throes drawing closer
in helpless arms it rests.

Mournful song in horror's lie
reaching to draw him in
rebellion's child stands all alone
against the angst of sin,
unaware of the gentle hands
that would lovingly embrace
and sway him in a gentle breeze
to ease the pain he will face.

But yet the cry of echoed past
rings again in course refrain
a stealthy resurrection
unwelcome in helpless disdain;
stealing the heart of mother's child
tearing her soul away
addiction's wrath and disparity
echos fresh in fear this day.

© 2008 BY W GARY FORRESTER

am i the only one who knows?

am i the only one who knows?
this calloused dream of mine...
who else shares the thoughts of death
that cross my hallucinogenic mind?
i call to you and yet
your silence lumbers on
masked in vibrant colors
created in forced hypnotic songs.
you delve in deep
diving for unknown chasms
grasping in darkened waters
for what you cannot see.
burden those who linger
with sodomized theater
words of clever connection
born of academic cliche.
break free those chains of hemlock
that cloud your forlorn eyes
pray for vision bright and clear
that will free your outspread thighs
to grasp the thoughts
and passioned care
of longing, dare i say, reprise
of those of us wanting, longing,
to live in the silence
and not die

© 2008 BY W GARY FORRESTER

silent tones

ali can you hear me?

are you listening to my silence?

i have sung along with your silent tones

tell me how

i can sing to you

© 2008 BY W GARY FORRESTER