Wednesday, December 12, 2007

as i do it again

as i do it again i fear i cannot stop
i fade into the swallowing fog

i am losing my way as i wander along
lost in sorrow i fear what i have become

stand aside and bear witness to my own demise
knowing both truth and consequence

silent and ashamed i keep to myself
alone in the disease of my own making

hear the warning calls of the one i love
see the shame and feel the codependency

the tormenting weight of addictive turning
presses upon me like a millstone's grind

the thief has arrived my life to steal
concealed already in the robbers bag i rest

giving way i yield to slippery slope
feed the dereliction of desire

fuel the fire and fan the flames
even as my own flesh burns

inflict the pain of the prisoners mirth
tightened rack at my own hand

cannot speak the shameful words
pride and fear has marked the way

lament the disappointment's curse
guilt has paved the rueful way

down the path of no return
what is to become of me? i say

in what truth shall my children rest?
that i have succumb to a grave?

that in cursed pleasure opened in jest
i long to find and know the rooted cause

for this malignancy that rots in my soul
i look without and never within

deny myself the truth from which i hide
sick and troubled my countenance fades

cannot bear the burden that is mine
to disappoint the maternal and bridal pride


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

bottled death

you follow in the shadows
lurking, watching, stalking

you whisper in the dark
calling, attracting, luring,

you weave a lurid tale
acting, exaggerating, lying

you draw me away
painting, portraying, promising

you massage my inhibitions
touching, soothing, stroking

you promise rabid joy
cavorting, frolicking, carousing

you deliver reckless fools
slurring, staggering, humiliating

you steal my sensibility
robbing, pillaging, raping

you rock my judgement to sleep
flirting, caressing, seducing

you extricate my dignity
releasing, forgetting, embarrassing

you inebriate my soul
wandering, abandoning, convicting

you leave me with my guilt
regretting, weeping, repenting

you take away my hope
depressing, maligning, destroying

you are bottled death
sickening, debilitating, killing


Monday, December 10, 2007

life awry

feel the pull
tendon's strain
the cord taut
cutting grain

drawn the noose
by friendly hand
darkened eyes
a final stand

see the edge
toe the line
feel the death
invite the crime

cannot stop
sudden plunge
the rush of life
to be undone

die at once
no refrain
sorrow takes
away the pain

no one knows
voices within
drawing nigh
calloused grin

life undone
in ordered steps
odd regrets

reason falls
shallow grave
deadly wave

portent rise
missive thrust
adamant truth
unhallowed trust

saved alone
peace in jest
life awry
dead by self


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

judgement's curse

judge not the choices another man makes
misguided movements of another's soul
don't stand apart from humanity's stake
in living life by freedoms grandest toll

look up above and find your guidance fair
to he or what in faith alone will trust
and know that you and you alone are where
the faithful leap of choice is ever just

i cannot judge my neighbors way of life
as failing to meet some most sacred creed
only in death do we share common strife
the freedom to see our mistakes impede

leave well enough alone is what i say
to all who stand in most bitter vile rage
no god gave you the sacred right of way
to judge the acts on another man's stage

be free and fight for all that freedom brings
to live your shortest life in peaceful bliss
without the burden of the warring stings
of judgement's curse and evil's cold redress


Tuesday, December 04, 2007


i don't know you really
but i see you in my dreams
your narcissism fuels my flame
and fires my loins
with malcontent
while guilty thoughts
of merriment course
my inner veins

your beauty fills the cyber lanes
and gilds the lonely day
as i look for peace
in your sea of words
and die in your evil pain
throbbing pains
of vengeful shame upon
your spousal rage

but alison your radiant smile
i see with closing eyes
your glowing grace
of unknown ways
mysterious happiness reviled
i know not where
or why you cry
in anguishing lament

i reach for you wanting you
to touch your bared breast
to share your lively
witted smile that suckles
upon your chest
in peaceful smiling
and silent rest