as i do it again
as i do it again i fear i cannot stop
i fade into the swallowing fog
i am losing my way as i wander along
lost in sorrow i fear what i have become
stand aside and bear witness to my own demise
knowing both truth and consequence
silent and ashamed i keep to myself
alone in the disease of my own making
hear the warning calls of the one i love
see the shame and feel the codependency
the tormenting weight of addictive turning
presses upon me like a millstone's grind
the thief has arrived my life to steal
concealed already in the robbers bag i rest
giving way i yield to slippery slope
feed the dereliction of desire
fuel the fire and fan the flames
even as my own flesh burns
inflict the pain of the prisoners mirth
tightened rack at my own hand
cannot speak the shameful words
pride and fear has marked the way
lament the disappointment's curse
guilt has paved the rueful way
down the path of no return
what is to become of me? i say
in what truth shall my children rest?
that i have succumb to a grave?
that in cursed pleasure opened in jest
i long to find and know the rooted cause
for this malignancy that rots in my soul
i look without and never within
deny myself the truth from which i hide
sick and troubled my countenance fades
cannot bear the burden that is mine
to disappoint the maternal and bridal pride
© 2007 BY W GARY FORRESTER
